(EDITOR’S NOTE: The following represents secretly-recorded excerpts from recently leaked conversations between Andrew Kimmel and his psychiatrist, Dr. Penny Klickter. Publication of this material is strictly forbidden, so don’t even think of telling your friends.)
AK: Uhhh, doctor, I feel kinda funny about saying this, but I’m a coin nerd.
Dr. K: This wasn’t easy for you to admit, was it? However, it’s important that we confront our personal demons at some point.
AK: Yes, DEMONS! I’m dreaming about coins all the time. I see them at the store, on the ground, in my piggybank. I, I…(sobbing)
Dr K: It’s okay. Take your time, Andy. Understanding the problem represents the first step toward peacefully resolving otherwise unresolved issues. Let’s start from the beginning.
AK: (gasp) Allright. (sniff, sniff) A few years ago I saw some shiny golden colored dollar coins for the first time. And, and, I didn’t know what they were, so I began to save them. It was around Presidents’ Day, and my son was studying American Presidents in a U.S. History class. I was younger then…naïve…and weak. WEAK, I TELL YOU!!
Dr K: Take your time. Breathe slowly. Better now?
AK: Yes, I think so. I began to line up my Presidential dollars on the kitchen table. Then I sorted them according to their condition. I stacked them, read all the edge lettering, and arranged them according to date. My wife decided to give me a coin album to display the coins. They looked shiny…glossy…alluring. The day after placing the coins in the album I visited the bank. The bank. The bank…the buhbuhbuh…b…b…
Dr. K: Andy, are you okay? Stay with me! We can work through this!!! What happened? Tell me, NOW!!!
AK: What did I see? What did I see? An entire display case filled with Presidential Dollar coins housed in pretty packaging! I think they called them “Legacy Sets” or some similarly evil name. That’s when my breakdown happened. Right there, on the blue linoleum floor in front of the lollipop basket and complimentary dog snacks. When I saw those awesome Legacy Collection Presidential Dollar sets, I just sorta flipped out. Why me? Why now? What does it mean?
Dr. K: It means that you appreciate history. It means that you want to own something beautiful. You want to learn. These are good things, Andy. Now tell me, what do the coins look like? Can you talk about that?
AK: Well, they are golden-colored and a bit larger than a quarter but smaller than a half dollar. “E Pluribus Unum” and the date are located on the edge of the coin, and the Statue of Liberty appears on the reverse. When you stack them all up, they form this cool-looking column of gold. There is one coin for each President with new coins coming each year. What I really like is…is…Doctor? What are you doing? Why are you looking at your pocket change?
Dr. K: Uhhh, what’s that? Hmmm…I have a Presidential Dollar right in my pocket. It’s actually kinda neat. I can see why you like it. I think that’s George Washington, right?
AK: PUT IT AWAY. QUICK! Don’t touch it. Forever will it consume you. Once you begin…
Dr. K: Yeah, this could become pretty fun. What was the name of that set you mentioned? Legacy or something? Where can I find them? Tell me about the sets, Andy. Tell me. TELL ME!!!!!
AK: NO, I’ll NEVER TELL. They are all mine. MINE!!! You’ll never find them.
Dr. K: Ohhh yessss I willll. They are mine now…gimme that!!!
(This represents the last intelligible portion of the conversation. Only garbled grunts follow. Neither Kimmel nor the doctor have been located to comment on this exchange, but you can find Legacy Sets right here at MPI coins: http://www.coinsofamerica.com/legacy-collection-3-pack.html)